Prerequisites

Think of me as Joan. I’ll be guiding you, somewhat autobiographically, towards the splendid state of underpromotion. To start the process it may be best to think of me as ‘Joe’; as somebody without female sexual attributes [1]. Actually, someone without any attributes at all except those that are standardly associated with what is known as a ‘motivational speaker’. The kind of guy that leaves you ‘inspired’ to lead your people; through the many dangers that come with being on a burning platform on which you are constantly experiencing a lack of sense of urgency[2].

Maybe (or better: probably; after all, you are exhausted enough to buy books with titles like this one) you think: “This seems easy going.” Think again! If it would be that easy you wouldn’t feel so bloody underrecognized, overstressed, underpaid and outnumbered. But you do, whether or not you console yourself with having taken ‘the hard way’. Achieving underpromotion is neither a fallback option, nor is it your little plan B. Hedging your bets is the key to overpromotion. The choice for underpromotion means that all such bets are off.

Overpromotion is easy in theory, but difficult in practice. The theory is: you work your butt off and learn the lingo in which to suck up to the boss; thus projecting commitment, meaning you are available to the company (i.e. the boss-man) at all costs. The practice is that you get bored to death, feel (like a) numb(er) and get stranded at night behind computers or at dinner tables, for no apparent purpose, wondering why another one got the fast break. Where many lemmings swim only a happy few can really take the lead; and those with the right surname have the best chances. Still, there is the second law of industrial dynamics[3] providing you with a shot at all that unfairness. Hell: overpromotion is still so common it has a Principle referring to it. Maybe it is your fate to be bossed around but at least you can be like that whilst bossing others around. In summary: overpromotion is a no-brainer! It’s almost inconceivable Peter will ever have a Principled adversary.

Underpromotion is exactly the opposite: easy in practice, but difficult in theory. There really is nothing to earn and a lot to realize. Wanting it without qualifying for it leads to taking the middle road and ultimately to feeling under, over, under and  out; feeling like you earned at least second place “the hard way” by loads of self-sacrifice (& merit & all that crap). If you don’t want to run the risk, just forget it. You will wind up feeling like you feel now. No!: Worse, like now but minus your social status and, consequently, sexual appeal. To achieve underpromotion, effort is superfluous but talent and thought are required. The natural thing for the lemmings to do is to hide. We forgot why. The role model of the networking man has spread like a nuclear leak burning its way through common sense. Recovering the blissful state of being the master of one’s own time requires thinking our own way out. On Principle.

If you forgot: I am Joan – and I want my Principle (‘a mí’ como dicen los castellano-hablantes).

It is time to quit the preliminaries. What I mean is this: if you prefer ‘0% inspiration & 100% transpiration’: put this book on eBay right away. You are one of the idiots that mistake being exhausted for fulfillment; ane of those that go jogging in the morning and that enjoy a good drink with colleagues in the evening. You are the vice versa of underpromotion. You are one of them and Joan will now focus on us: we who appreciate the value of some serious thinking.

As I spent some time amongst people talking about human capital without feeling even in the slightest ridiculous, I am in the know on Human Resources speak. You will feel less resistance to the idea of thinking if we ease our way into it by talking about acquiring the right set of prerequisite competences[4]. Unfortunately for (y)our long built-up experiences however, it doesn’t merely consist in time on the job, in class rooms of expensive castles converted into hotel resorts dedicated to corporate tourism, in networking with the selected few during the après-Master of Business Administration, or doing outdoor team building. Even worse: once completed, it cannot be entered into a database collecting core and other competencies for easy systemic reference (i.e. to avoid your boss having to get to know you).

No, oddly enough, we’ll just need you to think things through and leave it at that. I know (we know[5]): not quite something that has been asked from you lately. This is my way of apologizing: I will take the time to spell it out so it is clear to even those I have come to regard as the least pitiable bunch of nitwit morons ever known: the successful. The only thing I ask, in return, from you, is to let go of your feelings of superiority[6]. It will be either that or a lifetime full of the continuous suppression of your feelings of inferiority. So just be a good sport and follow along. You tried for so long to lead. See where it got you: only having sex every other week, and each of those times quite despite the lack of any urge on the part of anybody to make love with you; showing your gadgets or showing you don’t care about the gadgets of somebody else. But always showing of.

On to Chapter 1.

Back to Table of Contents.

[1] After all, you are male. If you were female – or gay (or male but with any of a large number of conditions that leads to the social symptoms commonly classified under testosterone deficiency) – you wouldn’t need to read any of this as underpromotedness would come entirely natural to you.

[2] This is most definitely HIS emphasis.

[3] See later, at present it suffices to state it verbatim – “No industry can ever grow faster than the rate at which it grows managers.”

[4] Or, competencies if you insist, for reasons that have entirely to do with a preference for odd words in much managerial training

[5] If this first person plural is still comforting you.

[6] Do not worry: we will hand them back with a vengeance at the end of the book.

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4 Responses to “Book 1”

  1. O'Reary said

    this is shit, can’t stand to read through it

  2. Don’t then, but thanks for getting this far 😎

  3. O'Dreary said

    I found your blog cause you left the URL hotlinked in your nickname on another blog that you posted a comment on. These links/blogs are amusing, because they depress me. Yours depressed me especially, and you can guess why. You are depressing, and not in a Cool & Hip way. This is bad and you should feel bad.

  4. You changed your name yourself so as to match your dreary self. You are changing fake e-mail adress. But you are not changing IP address, so, whilst I am glad to have you and abuse tends to amuse me, I need to tell you that it is not entirely impossible to block you.

    I don’t feel bad, by the way, but I’m fully open to the possibility of it being bad. I’m not depressing either, at least not to the people I actually care not to depress.

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